i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
