ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
