I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize