Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
