Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize