I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
