3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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