I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
