Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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