First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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