my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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