So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
