i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
