you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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