A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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