drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
