Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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