I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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