come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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