Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
