I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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