News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
