if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have post one night stand depression
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
