roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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