when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
