you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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