I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
