I think my vagina is haunted
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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