GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
