Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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