I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
