Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
