Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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