Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize