Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Vodka?
Forever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
