well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
