So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
