I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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