I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
