Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize