Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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