were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
