yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
