Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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