It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
