i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
