You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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