I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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