break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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