isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
