She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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