Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize