I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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