if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
