They should really pass out barf bags in church
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
