White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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