pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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