IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
