if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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