Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize