Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
