what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
