Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
