trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
