Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
