Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
