My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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