I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
