conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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