Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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