if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
