so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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