You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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