Soap is not a condiment
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
