There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
