He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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