Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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