I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
