I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
