i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize