omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
