He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
