I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love having hate sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
