i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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