It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
