I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
