just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
