Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
