No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize