I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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