i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This baby is an asshole
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
